Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
