I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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