i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
