me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
