They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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