Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
