You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
