ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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