then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
