My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Randomize
