I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
