Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
