well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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