The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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