ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
