this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
