Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
