officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
