whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
