Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
