you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
