god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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