she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
