hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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