Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
