it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
