look no pants
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
When are your genitals available?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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