I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
