I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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