I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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