Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
