Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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