No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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