Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
