the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Randomize
