we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
