So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
