I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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