i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
