I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
