You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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