yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
