College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
