You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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