you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
