I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
