if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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