Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
There's even glitter on my cock...
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