It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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