How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Someone shit on the floor
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
