my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
