my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
